Notes to accompany "Discipleship - Emotional Health , Week 6 "

Understanding Grieving and Loss

The degree to which you and I learn to grieve our own losses is in direct proportion to the depth and quality of our relationship with God and the compassion we can offer to others.

Loss is the norm not the exception in our lives.

Avoid superficial forgiveness.

The process of forgiveness always involves grieving before letting go.

Luke 23: 34

Elizabeth Kübler Ross: 5 stages of response to death.

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

The Biblical Model of King David

• Paying attention
• Living in the confusing in-between
• Allowing the old to birth the new

1) Paying attention

David was a man after God’s own heart

1 Samuel 13: 14

Saul and Jonathan are killed in battle.

Does he crown himself as King?

Not before he grieves.

He writes a lament.         2 Samuel 1: 17-27

He wants people to sing it as their experience not just his.
Why does David do this?
Because he knows that people mature when they take the time to grieve losses before moving on, instead of trying to avoid the pain

The Psalms.  More than half are laments.  They voice the fact that life can be hard, and sometimes brutal.  They voice the seeming absence of God in tough times.  They wrestle with the truths that if God is faithful and loving, why isn’t He doing something?Psalm 43: 2    Psalm 77: 7-9   Psalm 88: 6-9

Our society trivialises tragedy and loss. They’re reported and analysed but not lamented.

The example of Job:    Job 10: 1-3  Job 16: 12

The example of Jesus:

• At Lazarus’ tomb He wept John 11:35
• Agonising over Jerusalem Luke 13:34
• Crying out on the Cross Matthew 27:46

Jesus’ model for us is to deal honestly with our losses and disappointments with all their confusing emotions.

2) Living in the confusing in-between

Confusion and bewilderment.

We pray and nothing seems to happen.  We think waiting is holding us up.  But it’s not.

We need to remember that God uses all things for good. Romans 8: 28

God transforms evil into good without diminishing the horror of evil.

3)   Allowing the old to birth the new     Matthew 5: 4

When we properly embrace grief and loss:

• We become more compassionate
• We have a greater concern for the wounded and downtrodden in society
• We are less materialistic
• We no longer have to impress others
• We have greater humility
• We can more easily live with the mystery of God
• We appreciate the little things more
• We are more loving
• We are aware that Heaven really is our home

But we need to realise that this path of Biblical grieving can feel wrong at first.  But it leads to life

The Princess and the Goblin

The work of embracing our grief and loss is not natural to us but it is biblical, and it will free us and mature us.

Most importantly we will be more compassionate towards others and our witness for Jesus will be much more real.